Four Seasons in One Day

Upon my return to the cities filled with people and their things, my nose filled with the smells of burning exhaust and endless desperation. Oh, how I yearn now for the clear air of the North, the dark lakes, and that endless time of green and grey.

"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity." -Thoreau

I live for those times, when my eyes were fixed level with the surface of the lake and all around me only silence. At night, with the dock at my back and the Milky Way up above, the loons haunting with their calls. I could see so many stars out there that I felt smaller than a pinpoint and way more lucky. My next yearning is for time away from everything, in that place, with only me and my memories for company. I will make that a reality soon enough.

To The Moons of Elsewhere

It comforts me to know that my eccentricities are not just normal for individualism, they are also expected, and that everyone has them. I think I've tried so hard in my life to be someone that knows, someone that does, so much that I forgot how to be myself. And finally, finally, it's happening, it is really happening. I am learning how to be myself, with no excuses, with no reasons, just because. Because I can.

Another thing I've noticed- I have lived enough years now that I have preferences about everything. I used to be open to a lot, which I still am in a way, but now I know what I like or what I don't. I can make decisions. Perhaps I will always read books in the evening after work and dinner, in a quiet corner chair with a light, listening to music like Sigur Rós loudly and without pause, eating grapes or drinking tea. I have begun to find things that I enjoy, because I enjoy them, and not because I have learned to enjoy them from anyone else.

If you're in the mood for sultry, moody, exquisite sounds- listen to My Brightest Diamond's latest, A Thousand Shark's Teeth. Listen on a big stereo with big speakers, in the evening, the lights low, a glass of pinot noir in hand. Close your eyes.