Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

I honestly never thought I'd come to this conclusion, this decision, this totally fucking crazy reasoning... With hardly any money, wanting to move back to Ontario! I've loved my year of adventure, of course I would, but recently I've discovered that I miss my friends even more. Perhaps it's part of growing up and realizing that it's okay to need something or somebody or numerous somebodies. I've been looking back lately, and have realized that everything memorable happened with the people I care most about. In the places that are the most familiar and even though it's Ontario, there is something about it. Perhaps that I grew up there. Perhaps that most of my family is still there. I'm not sure. All I know is that this decision is scary, wonderful, flawed, and somehow unchangeable. This is what I want. It won't be easy, or all perfect.

But right now? This is what I need.

Paper Hearts & Photographs

The thing with photographs is that sometimes you can tell exactly how the photographer is feeling the second they take the picture. Some photographs are so filled with love or intensity that they are visible to the naked eye, so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. As a photographer, I wish I was never capable of disappointing myself. For example: for every one photograph I've taken that I love, there are about 15 more that I feel are a waste of film. I know it's impossible to be perfect, or to always get it right, but it's still so crushingly disappointing. I can't stop, though. I will always strive for that perfect picture.

Summer is very quickly coming to a close. A week ago, I drove to Vancouver with my friend Miranda, who is moving there, and flew home last Wednesday night. It was such a welcome reprieve from my daily life in Calgary, which is at best satisfactory, and at worst monotonous. I got to take almost 3 rolls of film during the trip, most of the pictures hurried and uninspired, but even just using my camera again felt fantastic. Lately, the hot weather has subsided, and in its wake is a gorgeous midday temperature and a completely bearable breeze.

We move again in 3 weeks. It seems September is always a time for reinvention, for the change I thrive on and long for. This time last year I was still at camp, getting ready to go home and face the task of moving across the country. This year, I am enjoying random weekends and nights out, camping in places called Ghost Lake, walks through the city on summer evenings, time spent by the river and in noisy brewery-style restaurants with cold beer in hand. If you ask me, quite auspicious. I like the sounds of this.