Well, This Is IT

Welp, guys, tomorrow I start my brand new job. I am now going to be a full time retail worker, paid to work in retail full time. Full time? FULL TIME. It kind of sounds like I'm devoting my whole life to it. Am I? I think so, probably, yes.

Also, this is a new thing sort of, not really, but I may very well be heading to Halifax in about a month, because, because, there is a certain person there that I really miss and would like to see, Thus, Halifax. Halimafaxination.

Otherwise, this weekend has been way too sunny for my liking, and I am sooo Ikea'd out. No more Ikea, please, not for a while.

And don't forget, my photoblog is still alive and kicking and freshly updated too. So check'r, okay?

Ungh.

I woke up this morning almost ready to face the day. For some reason, everything seems harder and more sentimental on this grey Calgary morning, where I feel most alone. There are a few things keeping me afloat: the package receipt pinned to my bulletin board from yesterday, the pictures on my wall, the coffee I just drank. The rest of my fate rests on my shoulders today, dependent on whether or not I can leave the house. Part of me wants to collapse on my bed and sob for a while.

Sleep doesn't come easily anymore. I don't know what I'm worrying about or why I can't stop tossing and turning. It's all on me now.

And my heart is fit to burst.

Check It, Check It OUUUUTTTT

My photoblog is officially now updated!

http://renataphotographs.blogspot.com

Feel free to comment- and I'll be putting more up soon!

This Is The Last Night Of The Rest Of Your Life

Photograph courtesy The Lifetime Collective sans permission.

There is a sound I can hear from here, it's a sound like the wind blowing a million leaves and blades of grass and into buildings and across roads. I can hear the snow on the mountains half an hour from me, the moody Rocky Mountains, who became snow-covered and intimidating yesterday with the drop in temperature and rise in precipitation. Yesterday, after a lunch at the unbelievable Fairmont Banff Springs and the purchase of a new coat (see below) from Creme featuring the lifetime collective clothing line.

The Palms.

This is a million hours in the making, every moment I wish I'd had and everything in between. I can run for hours and hours and not get tired, listening to the Blood Brothers and getting anger out with every step. It's a cold night in Calgary, Alberta, and soon I'll be cozy in my bed. I'm just tired of thinking about life and am prepared to start living it. I'm the opposite of weepy and nostalgic this time. I'm ready again for public transportation, human interaction, being cold and watching people. Goodbye direction.

You'll Never See A Finer Ship

This was the lull I'd longed for. A full week of intensity, or rather, a full summer of intensity. I'm finally moved, finally inked (again), finally 20 (egh, egh, egh), and now it's being alone and finding a job and becoming immersed in music, because there is nothing else for me to do but to dream of dying again. Last night I was building my new Ikea furniture and listening to American Analog Set, and realizing I know no one in this city and that everyone who will ever love me is far away, and perhaps gone forever. I'm being dramatic, I know this, but I have every right. I just couldn't breathe.

Now this morning is the ultimate type, rainy and dark and perfect. After a whole week of sunshine, this city is matching my mood. Jacob and I drove across the country this week, 3380 kilometres, to my new home and my new life. He left yesterday on a plane, while I stayed here. I am staying here in my new life, until I figure out something better for myself.

I'm 20 years old now. I'm a twenty-something. I don't like it. I'm alone, and although on a new adventure, it's leaving me in such a precarious position.

This is it, though. This is where I must rise to my challenges and move on into brightness, for there is no more for me here than that, nothing but wide open opportunity. I still miss you all, for I'm away from you all again, all of you.

In the next couple days I'll be posting on my photoblog again, photos from this past week. Check it out at http://renataphotographs.blogspot.com.

This week, I'm listening to:
Emily Haines - Knives Don't Have Your Back
Grizzly Bear - Yellow House
Alexisonfire - Crisis
Interpol - Antics
American Analog Set