This was the lull I'd longed for. A full week of intensity, or rather, a full summer of intensity. I'm finally moved, finally inked (again), finally 20 (egh, egh, egh), and now it's being alone and finding a job and becoming immersed in music, because there is nothing else for me to do but to dream of dying again. Last night I was building my new Ikea furniture and listening to American Analog Set, and realizing I know no one in this city and that everyone who will ever love me is far away, and perhaps gone forever. I'm being dramatic, I know this, but I have every right. I just couldn't breathe.
Now this morning is the ultimate type, rainy and dark and perfect. After a whole week of sunshine, this city is matching my mood. Jacob and I drove across the country this week, 3380 kilometres, to my new home and my new life. He left yesterday on a plane, while I stayed here. I am staying here in my new life, until I figure out something better for myself.
I'm 20 years old now. I'm a twenty-something. I don't like it. I'm alone, and although on a new adventure, it's leaving me in such a precarious position.
This is it, though. This is where I must rise to my challenges and move on into brightness, for there is no more for me here than that, nothing but wide open opportunity. I still miss you all, for I'm away from you all again, all of you.
In the next couple days I'll be posting on my photoblog again, photos from this past week. Check it out at http://renataphotographs.blogspot.com.
This week, I'm listening to:
Emily Haines - Knives Don't Have Your Back
Grizzly Bear - Yellow House
Alexisonfire - Crisis
Interpol - Antics
American Analog Set
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