This morning, everything in my house was moved onto a truck and carted away. You'd think that such a thing would be sad, but in my mind, it's progress. I'm already thinking Calgary. Part of me is already in the west, ready to start a new chapter in my life and write more cliched analogies. Since being back from camp, I've seen and talked to so many of my new and old friends it seems almost ridiculous. But it's not ridiculous at all, oh no, it's wonderful because I miss all of them and wish I weren't leaving them behind. Leaving them behind?
Am I afraid to move to a new city, where I know no one?
Truthfully, I'm mostly not thinking about it except for vague plans like getting a job and training for a marathon. I'm sure that once I get there, and once I get settled, I'll miss here so absolutelyfreakingmuch. It's all a part of this, though. I accept the risks, and I am so ready for the highs and the lows that I'll experience.
The only thing left here now is me, and once my parents fly out on Saturday morning, I'll no longer have a home in Orangeville. I won't have a home in the only place I've really ever known. One week short of my 20th birthday and I am uprooted and flailing. I am worried that I'll forget to say goodbye to someone or something. Is everything I love here imprinted in my mind, ready to bring back to memory if I need it? Have I fully absorbed every bit of this?
Of course. I've lived here for the last 20 years of my life.
And as for him, as for him... I really don't know. The only thing I know is that I hold him in high esteem and I don't want to let him go. Not completely, not yet, not ever? I just wish he'd let me know where he is, how he is, and if he ever thinks of me.
That is all.
1 comment:
i will miss you tons and tons :(
im not used to not seeing you over christmas vacation-you're never really here in the summer, so i've adjusted renata, i'm ok with that! but im not sure how i'll survive christmas!
we'll just have to see how it goes.
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