Today my heart feels sick. I feel unwanted and unmentioned, I crave a good cry and wish I could remember what to write and why. I'm missing everything all at once, so much that it is caving in on me and if feelings were bricks, I'd be crushed instantly. I can't even pinpoint what it is that I need, it's just a vague space right in the middle of my being that is screaming out in agony.
I feel unnaturally angry, although only at times, flaring and so much more painful. I wish I could feel like I was doing more in the world. I wish I had time to do more in the world.
I wish I could be so much more.
Today I was sitting in a tea house, staring straight down a long stretch of road that comes right from the foothills, thinking only of later and feeling so calm that it was almost unreal.
Today I was standing on a moving train, forming a million thoughts and ideas and concepts and plans in my head, while the afternoon sun faded into darkening clouds.
Today I remembered what I thought I had forgotten.
Today was an epiphany, and taken one step further, it would have been all of my recent dreams crashing into each other and becoming one.
But now, when today is almost tomorrow, I have forgotten everything I'd remembered. I forget those perfect ideas and almost forget how beautiful my world can be. I wish I had someone here to remind me how it was.
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