Sunday morning.
My mother is sick in bed, has been for a couple days now, and she may need to go back to the hospital. I hate being here all alone with her like this, it's depressing and upsetting. I can handle it, but I don't want to live it alone. Now I understand why it helps to have people around to support you, why family is so important.
Tonight is my work Christmas party. I am planning on drinking as much as I can in order to numbify my circumstances, my shortcomings, and my disappointments. I miss my friends. I am strong, but sometimes I feel as if I am not strong enough, not enough to bear all that is bestowed upon me. I wish for an escape. A rescue, even. Something to take me away from it all.
I sometimes forget to eat enough, between working, my almost daily visits to the gym, and my now-often anxiety. I've realized that I am getting too good at being distant and cold, because it hurts less. I need to be careful to not get too thin. It might just happen one day, I'll realize that a part of me is missing. And by then, it'll be too late.
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