I think the thing that scares me the most is how serious he seems sometimes, and if that seriousness was directed at me, I would vaporize. It's what I can't see that affects me the most. It's that seriousness, and his age, and how much I want it to happen. Those are the worst. And the worst of the worst is having a tongue tied, horrifying, unending moment where I can't say what I want to say. That moment will exist forever in my nightmares.
There is a place at the top of my neighbourhood (it's hilly, imagine it) where at night, I can see downtown and Canada Olympic Park and all of the neighbourhoods and streetlights in between. I like to go there when the wind is blowing, so that I can pretend that it can help me fly.
I'm still enjoying life now, more than most days, and I'm so glad to feel alive again. I wish it weren't so easy to be selfish.
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